Torture
by fire-panther24
Summary: Miley comes out to her friends but what happens when Lilly can't accept what Miley is? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Hey, um, yeah, I don't own Hannah Montana 'cause if I did I sure as hell wouldn't be writing this right now. ;P Lol**

Torture

Miley paced back and forth nervously. She was trying to build up her confidence before she faced her friends. About 15 minutes ago she had called Lilly and Oliver and asked them to meet her at the beach, at the same spot where she had first told Oliver she was Hannah. She peered through the bush and saw both of them there, casually leaning on the big rock and talking. Miley bit her lip. This was a mistake, she shouldn't have called them. _No! Don't say that! Go out there and face your friends right now!_ Her inner voice told her. She took a deep breath. She could do this, she could.

_After all, I Got Nerve_ She told herself, punning her song. Miley rubbed her hands together. She took a deep breath and stepped forward out of the bushes. Lilly and Oliver turned to face her. "Hey guys," Miley called as she walked up to them.

"Hey Miles," Oliver said in response.

"Sup Miley, so what did you want to tell us?" Lilly asked, getting straight to the point.

"Um, yeah, it's big news, _really _big, huge and..."

"Miley! Just get on with it already!" Lilly said impatiently.

"Right..." Miley took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Ok...ok..."

"Miley!" Oliver said, "hurry up!" Miley nodded and took another deep breath.

"Ok...the truth is...I found out, or realized, that I am..." She nervously clenched and unclenched her fists, "I am a...lesbian," She finished. Miley bit her lower lip as she stared at her friends, waiting for a reaction. Both looked shocked at this new information.

"Say what?" Oliver said, tilting his head.

"I'm, I'm a lesbian...I like girls," Miley said again. She felt scared now. _I told you this was a bad idea!_ The voice in her head screamed. Oliver made a sort of half chuckle in his throat.

"Umm...I'm not sure what to say to that but um...I don't have a problem with it and uh...thanks for telling us...and, well I'm not good with word so, yeah..." He said. Miley smiled.

"It's okay Oliver, thanks for being ok with it," She said. He smiled at her and nodded. Miley turned to Lilly who still looked shocked. "Lilly?" Miley said. Lilly blinked.

"Did you just say that you're...?" Lilly started. Miley nodded. "No way, no way!" Miley kept nodding. "No way, uh uh, that's not true! You...you're joking! You've got to be joking!" Lilly said hesterically. Miley looked hurt. She never expected Lilly to act like this.

"Lilly, I'm not joking. It's really true," Miley said. Lilly shook her head.

"No, no it's not! You can't be...you can't be!" She said.

"Lilly?" Miley said in a hurt voice. She took a step forward and reached out. Lilly jumped back from Miley as if she were poison.

"Get away from me you fucking homo!" She yelled. Miley let her arm fall limply to her side. She looked at Lilly with a hurt and shocked expression written on her face. The two stared at each other. Then Lilly turned and ran without a single word. Miley watched her run away. Tears were whelling up in her eyes. She turned and looked at Oliver. Oliver pulled her into a tight hug. Miley buried her face in his chest.

"Don't cry Miles, it'll be fine, everything's going to be ok," He said in a soothing voice. Miley said something but it was muffled because she still had her face buried in his chest. "What?" He asked. Miley looked up at him.

"It's not going to be ok Oliver," She said, "Didn't you see the way she looked at me when I said that? The way she jumped back when I reached out towards her, what she called me..." She trailed off. Twins tears went down her cheeks. Oliver wiped one away with his thumb.

"Don't worry Miley, I know Lilly and she'll come around sooner or later," He said. Miley shook her head.

"You may have known Lilly for longer but I know her better. I could see the fear and...and hate that suddenly filled her eyes when she realized it, you couldn't see it but I could," Miley said sadly.

"Hate? Miles, Lilly could never _hate_ you," He said. Miley looked down.

"It's hard enough telling my friends about my sexuality but it's even harder when one of them doesn't accept me, especially when I've had a crush on her for a very long time," Miley said in a low voice. Oliver blinked. Miley liked Lilly? _Liked?_ He didn't know what to say. He pulled her into a tight hug again.

"Don't worry Miley, everything's going to be okay." Miley hugged him back and tried to make herself believe what he said even though she knew nothing was going to be alright.

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Lilly kept running. Where was she running to? She didn't know, she just knew she had to run. Running felt good, it made everything fade away until there was nothing in the world but her feet pounding against the hard cement. But this time even running couldn't help her. She finally stopped when she got tired and her lungs felt as if they were on fire. She sat down on someone's front lawn as she tried to catch her breath.

Why did she run away from Miley like that? She didn't have an answer to that. Why had she jumped back from her touch or yell at her like that? Why, why why? She didn't know. Miey was her friend, so why the hell couldn't she get over the fact that Miley was a lesbian? Why'd it effect her so badly? Was she homophobic? That's stupid! But if it wasn't true then why'd she run from Miley? What the hell was going on with her?!

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The next day Miley was at school. She had to face Lilly today and vice versa even if they didn't want to, their lockers were side by side. Miley was both relieved and sad when she saw that Lilly wasn't there. She quickly grabbed her books and headed towards her first period class. On the way there she passed by Lilly. The two made eye contact for a moment then Lilly averted her gazed and walked by. Miley sighed and continued towards class.

Lilly still wasn't sure what the hell was wrong with her. She _still_ couldn't face Miley. Last night she had tried many times to call her and apologize but found that she somehow couldn't make her finger push the seven simple numbers that were Miley's phone number. Lilly groaned and got her books. Wait, she had first, second, _and_ third period with Miley. Shit.

Lilly walked to her class and took her seat in front of Miley with even glancing at her. Miley looked at the back of Lilly's head sadly before sighing and putting her head down. She didn't want to lose her best friend!

And that's how the days went on. Lilly simply ignored Miley, ignored the fact that she even existed. As for Miley, she was going through torture. Having to see Lilly, beautiful and goregous Lilly, every day but not talking to her. Not saying hi or joking around with her or being friends with her. She was forced to lust over Lilly but never being able to have her and that was the sweetest torture ever.

**A/n:** That's sad...I had more that I was going to put in there but I don't have time...tell me what you think. I feel it went by too fast, rushed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana...yeah...Here's the awaited 2 chapter!**

Torture

Miley sat in her history class drawing random things out on her notebook. Mainly, she was just writing her name over and over in different ways, squiggly, slashy, block letters, things like that. She was bored, obviously. she chanced a glance over at Lilly. Lilly was sitting with her head down on the desk and her eyes closed, probably half-way asleep. Miley sighed and continued doing nothing.

It had been a month since she had told Lilly and Oliver. A month since Lilly stopped being her best friend. It was saddening. Everyone was wondering, what happened to the pair of best friends that were so close they were practically sisters? Nobody accept Miley, Lilly, and Oliver knew the answer to that question and neither of them were going to tell people. In the last month they had only spoken once and it was just because Lilly wanted her black slip on Vans back because she needed them. It was quite a short conversation and an even shorter trip to Miley's house and back.

Lilly still felt some regret. She had to admit, Miley had been her very best friend, more so than Oliver and she missed her a bit. They had so much in common and so much not in common that some how had still helped their friendship but now... Lilly also missed being able to go to Hannah Montana concerts and getting to meet famous people. But most of all she just missed Miley.

Then why didn't she just bury the hatchet and continue being friends with Miley? Not because she didn't want to but because she couldn't. There was just something about the knowledge of what Miley was that caused her to...panic and want to distance herself from Miley. That was hurting both of them and Oliver. Oliver was the middle man, caught between his two best friends. He hung out with Miley more now but he was still semi-cool with Lilly.

Lilly lifted her head off of her desk and looked up at the time. She groaned. They still had 20 minutes left of class! Lilly looked over in Miley's direction at the same time Miley looked in Lilly's direction. They locked eyes for a moment then Lilly put her head down again.

_You fucking idiot! Why can't you get over the fact that Miley is a lesbian, huh? Yes, I said it! Get over it dammit, she's your friend-_

_Was. She was my friend._

_Oh whatever! Can't you at least say hi every once in a while? A smile? Anything to show that you know she's still alive! Geez, you're acting immature._

_Immature?!_

_Yes, immature. What the heck's wrong with you? Weren't you taught to be tolerant of other people? One of the basic rules you were taught by your mom! Even if you don't agree with them at least respect them and don't say anything bad about it and what did you do when Miley came out to you? You jumped back from her, called her a "fucking homo", then you ran. You fucking ran! I'm disappointed in you..._

_Oh shut up, I'm not gonna sit here and argue with myself all day._

_You only get defensive because you know it's the truth._

Lilly narrowed her eyes at the annoying voice that was, indeed, telling the truth. She did do all that, she was taught to be tolerant but obviously the teachings didn't stick. She sighed. All this thinking and arguing was giving her a headache. She glanced at the clock again. Yes, only 5 minutes! She got ready for the bell to ring. 5...4...3...2...Beeeeeep! Outta here! She stood up, got her backpack and headed out of the classroom. Man, she hated history. So boring! On her way out she was pushed into Miley by some kid. She took a step back.

"Sorry..." She mumbled before walking off. Miley watched her go. What a bitch life was. Miley headed to science, her last class of the day with Lilly. Things wouldn't be half as hard if she didn't have to see that perfect blonde every day.

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Miley dropped her backpack on the floor next to couch. She collapsed onto the couch. She stayed still for a few moments before reaching over to get the remote on the coffee table. She switched the channel to Fuse and smiled when she saw that Whitest Kids U' Know was on. Currently the Get A New Daddy song was on. Just then Miley's dad came in.

"Nice song Miley," He said. Miley jumped and turned to look at him. She looked a bit embarrassed.

"Umm..." Mr. Stewart laughed. Miley managed a chuckle.

"Hey, you haven't gone out too much recently. Why don't you go out to the beach or something? Maybe call up Lilly or Oliver, get out of the house." Miley sighed when he said Lilly's name. He didn't know about Lilly. Jackson knew they weren't friends anymore but he didn't know why.

"Dad, me and Lilly aren't friends anymore." He looked surprised.

"Really?" She nodded. "And why not?"

"Because...I sort of told her something and she...she stopped talking to me after that."

"Why don't you just take back what you said?" He suggested. Miley sighed and shook her head.

"I can't," She replied.

"Why? What did you say to her?" Miley bit her lip. She was silent for a moment. "Miles?" She looked up at her dad. "Miley, what did you say to her?" She sighed. Now was a good a time as any to tell him, only, she wanted Jackson to know too.

"Dad, I have something to tell you but I want Jackson to hear it too." He looked at her suspiciously and yelled for Jackson to come down.

"Yeah Dad?" Jackson asked as he came down the stairs.

"Your sister has something she wants to tell us. Apparently whatever she has to say is what hurt her friendship with Lilly." Jackson looked at Miley with wide eyes.

"Oh my God, you're not pregnant are you?" He asked hysterically. Miley looked shocked. So did her dad. She quickly shook her head.

"No I am not pregnant!" Jackson and Mr. Stewart looked relieved, "Horrible to even think about it!"

"Then what is it?" Jackson asked. Miley sighed. She decided to tell them the whole story but leaving out what she said for the end. "So, what is it that you told them?!" Jackson practically screamed.

"I...I told them about my sexuality," Both men tilted their heads to the right, "I'm a lesbian," Miley finished. Both still looked confused. "Oh God, not again!" Miley almost screamed but she kept it it, hoping that this time was different. She stared at them, they stared back.

"Wow..." Jackson started, "I was _way_ off." He chuckled. "Hey, it's cool with me little sis." Miley smiled.

"Me too Bud," Her dad said. Her smile turned into a huge grin.

"Thanks so much guys!" She said as she gave them both a hug.

"No problem."

"So...uh...Lilly...?" Jackson said awkwardly. Miley sighed sadly.

"Lilly couldn't come to terms with it. She ran from me, then she just stopped being my friend, stopped talking to me. It's like she forgot I exist!" Miley exclaimed. Tears were coming unbidden to her eyes. She tried to blink them away.

"You-you like Lilly don't you?" Jackson asked. Miley nodded. He reached over and pulled her into another hug. "Don't cry Miles. You'll be fine." Miley hung on to him tighter.

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Lilly was laying down on her bed looking up at the ceiling with her iPod blasting in her ears. It was late at night, about 1:30 but she couldn't be bothered to check the time even though there was a clock right next to her bed. Obviously she couldn't get to sleep. random things kept popping into her head, ranging from the quiz in math to what she had for lunch. It didn't take long for her mind to start to stray towards Miley.

She tried to push it back by concentrating on the music. It worked for a bit but it was soon back. Again there was the voice reprimanding her like it did almost every day. It questioned her for answers that she didn't have. Why, why why was all that went on in her head. The answer was usually I don't know which in turn was answered by a why. On and on it went in an endless cycle. (A/N: wow that was a very odd pack of sentences...what happened there:P)

The same question that haunted her: Why couldn't she accept Miley? She knew she wasn't homophobic because not even a week after Miley came out, Lilly's cousin had come out and told everyone that she too was a lesbian. It hadn't changed Lilly's relationship with her cousin at all. In fact, the two had spent the whole day talking and laughing. So why was it drastically different with Miley?

Lilly sat up and swung her legs over so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She stared hard at the moonlit floor of her bedroom. She concentrated as hard as she could on that single question, desperately searching for an answer. One word came to mind. A single word that only plunged Lilly into even deeper confusion than before. Love. Lilly blinked. What the hell did love have to do with anything?

_Come now Lilly, don't pretend as if you don't know._

_I-I don't know...what-what does it mean_

_think logically now Lilly. You're thinking about Miley and the word love comes up..._

Her eyes widened in disbelief. She shook her head.

_No...no, I see what you're thinking but no. maybe...maybe I'm afraid that...that Miley will fall in love with me. Yes, that's it, that's what I'm afraid of_

_Lilly, don't be so naive. You know that's not what you are really afraid of. You know what it is that you're really afraid of. You're scared to admit it to yourself though because admitting would make it true._

_I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not afraid to admit anything to myself because there's nothing to admit. I know everything there is to know about myself. There's nothing to hide._

_But you are hiding something. You're hiding the simple truth from yourself. You're hiding...from yourself._

_What?_

_Like I said, you already know what I'm talking about._

Lilly was continually shaking her head. If she could, she would've screamed until her voice went out but she was being mindful of her sleeping parents. "Shut up...shut up!" She hissed under her breath in a low dangerous voice. She realized that she was shaking and that her hands were balled up into tight fists. She blinked when she saw a dark liquid on her hands. She slowly opened them and was shocked to find that her nails had torn into the skin of her palm. She was bleeding. All she did was stare at it in the pale moonlight coming from outside. After an eternity she got up and went to go clean up the blood. Once she was done she lay back down on her bed and tried to go to sleep.

_Oh, by the way,_ The voice said right when she was on the brink of sleep,_ Miley is already in love with you and another thing..._

_what?_

_You're in love with her_

**A/N:** Wow, Lilly's having some serious internal conflict with herself. Hope you guys liked this chapter. I personally love it. I love how it came out, especially since none of it was planned out. I just sat down and started typing, and I LOVE it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana**

Torture

Lilly was sitting in her history class yet again, though this time class hadn't started yet. There was still at least 5 minutes before the bell rang. Lilly sat there, her hands clutching her head, her nails digging deep into her scalp but she didn't feel the pain. She couldn't, she was too lost in her own confusion to feel anything. Last night she hadn't been able to get any sleep. After what the voice said she stayed up all night. Was it true? No. She had forced herself to believe that it wasn't true, that everything that voice said was a lie and not to believe it.

Lilly squeezed her eyes shut. She was stuck in turmoil. Her mind was racing and it was making her dizzy. There was a distant noise to her right. What was it? She opened one eye and looked to the side. It was her teacher. He was asking if she was ok. She didn't bother to answer. She closed her eyes again and tilted her head down. No, she was not ok. She was never going to be ok until her mind was at peace. She opened her eyes and moved her hands in front of her face. She stared at the wounds across her palms. She shut her eyes again and covered her face with her hands.

Class had started, had been started for the past 6 minutes already and yet she was unaware. Unaware that the classroom was now filled with people, unaware that almost everybody was looking at her, wondering what was wrong and if she was ok. She was lost and disconnected. Right now she felt alone, utterly and completely alone. No one there to help her get through this. It seemed almost impossible that Lilly was being shattered by one simple sentence.

_You're in love with her._

How could those five words crush her so? Though she tried to force herself to believe the opposite she knew deep down that it really was true. She, Lilly Truscott, was in love with Miley Stewart. She simply couldn't believe it. Lilly refused to believe it. Her self-image was broken, shattered. She had always believed herself straight and now...

"Lilly," Someone's hand was on her shoulder. She jumped a bit and turned to look at who this person was. Surprise, her teacher. She relaxed a bit, only a bit, "Lilly, can you please come with me outside?" At first she thought about saying no, that she was fine and there was no need to worry. Instead she slowly nodded. She stood up and followed him outside. "Lilly, is everything ok? Anything bothering you that you want to talk about?" Lilly shook her head.

"There is something bothering me and I don't want to talk about it," She replied, looking down at the floor, her hair falling around her face hiding her from view.

_Hiding, always hiding..._

"Are you sure? You know, teachers here at school try to help you in anyway possible. You can also talk to the counseler if you want." Lilly shook her head again.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." He looked a bit shocked at her tone of voice. "Can I just sit out here? Please?" He hesitated for a moment.

"Uh...sure, why not. Stay out here as long as you want," He said. She nodded and sat down on the floor next to the door. He stared at her for a bit.

"You have a class to teach," She said. He nodded and went back into the class room with one final look at Lilly. She balled her left hand into a fist again, reopening the wounds, inflicting pain upon herself though she didn't really feel it. Why couldn't things ever be simple? Boy like girls and girls like biys. Just like that. But no, things had to be shaken up. Suddenly it was girls liking girls and boys liking boys. Not in the right order. It wasn't right, at least not for her. She wasn't supposed to like girls. She wasn't supposed to like Miley and yet she couldn't stop herself from feeling.

Now that the truth was staring her in the face and there was no way to deny it, she was feeling it. She realized how simply saying Miley's name brought a fluttery feeling to her stomach that wasn't supposed to be there. She dug her nails deeper. Why was she so inflicted by this pain? She knew now, she hadn't rejected Miley, she had rejected herself. There had always been this quite dormant part of her that acknowledged that she liked Miley. However, it had always been small and unnoticed...until Miley had come out and that part made itself known. It had cry out for joy and it had scared her. When she had ran, she was trying to run from herself. When she had insulted Miley, she had really directed it towards herself.

Then she had distanced herself from Miley, not because she hated Miley but because she loved her. She wiped a stray tear away. She couldn't stay here. She stood up and started to walk away. She wasn't leaving school, just leaving the building. She went out to the school garden. It was small and secluded. Not total privacy but at least the security guards didn't come check here. She sat on one of the stone benches. She looked at her hand and watched herself bleed.

_I did this,_ She thought, _I did this to myself. No one else is to blame but me._ She looked up at the sky. _ I am what I am and there's no changing that but is there any chance of hiding that? Of pretending that I'm not really me? No, that'd be living a lie, making myself believe that I liked what ever guys there were in the future._ She heard the bell ring. _Well, there it goes. Mr. Jimenez will see I'm not there then he'll call security and they'lll probably find me then I'll get into trouble..._She thought, not really caring. A while passed. The second bell rang. She was late to science, oh well. She sat in silence for a few more moments before she heard footsteps behind her. Here they were. She didn't move. Let them come to her.

"Lilly?" Lilly froze. She automatically knew who it was. "Lilly?" Again, stronger this time and laced with more concern. _She's worried about me..._ "Lilly are you ok?" Oh, how sweet Miley's voice sound when she said Lilly's name. Lilly shut her eyes tight and told herself to stop thinking such things. She felt Miley's hand on her shoulder, it pulled back a bit as if uncertain but it was soon back. "Lilly, please talk to me. I want to know if you're ok." Miley moved to try and get a better look at Lilly. Lilly instead shut her eyes more and turned her head to the left. Miley sighed. "Please Lilly," She begged.

Lilly reached up with her left hand and put it over Miley's. She didn't do anything, just placed over Miley's. Miley stared. She stayed quiet and waited for Lilly to say something. "Hey, Miley,"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you come?" Miley blinked. Wasn't that obvious?

"I wanted to know if you're ok."

"Why?"

"Because of the way you were acting in history. There was something definitly wrong with you."

"Something wrong with me..." Lilly repeated in a low voice. She looked down. "Maybe there is..."

"Can you please tell me if you're ok?" Lilly shook her head. She stood up.

"I need to get to class..." She hesitated, "See ya'" She started to walk off in the direction of the school. Miley looked at her hand and was shocked. Blood, Lilly's blood.

"Lilly!" Lilly stopped but didn't turn around.

"Yeah?"

"You're bleeding!" She shrugged.

"Think nothing of it..." Miley looked at Lilly's left hand. A drop of blood slid off of her finger and fell to the ground. As if sensing Miley's gaze, Lilly closed her hand and moved it in front of her, her body hiding it from view. Miley was undoubtly concerned. "Do you realize this is the longest conversation we've had this month?" Lilly stated more than asked. "I kind of miss that..." She said after a bit. "I got to get to class." She continued to walk away.

"Why're you bleeding?" Miley didn't want to let this go so easily.

"Miley, just calm down ok? It's no big deal."

"Lilly, can you at least turn to look at me?" Miley asked. Lilly hadn't looked at her once durring the whole conversation.

"I-I can't."

"Why not?" There was a noticable hint of anger in Miley's voice. _Because if I did I would notice how beautiful you are..._

"Trust me, I wish I could tell you..." She walked off without another word, ignoring Miley's calls. She went to her history class to get her backpack. "Sorry, I went to the bathroom," She told the puzzled teacher. He nodded and wrote her a late pass. She walked into science and gave Mrs. Kunckle the late pass. She sat with her head in one hand, not listening to anything being said. A few moments later Miley came in. She had a late pass too, from who Lilly didn't know. Miley shot a concerned look over at Lilly but Lilly determintely kept her eye focused on the white board infront of her.

When they got out of class and headed for lunch Miley started wondering if she should try to talk to Lilly again but she gave up the thought when she saw that Lilly wasn't going to talk about it. She sighed and hoped that Lilly was going to be fine. Miley met up with Oliver and they started to walk towards their math class when Amber abd Ashley came up to them. _Aw...fuck..._ Miley thought.

"Miley, we hear that..." _fuck..._ "you're..."_dammit..._ "a..."_ Get on with it already!_ "lesbian. Is that true?" Amber asked. Miley and Oliver exchanged glances. How did they find out?

"And where'd you hear that from?" Miley asked cooly. Ashley flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"We just know these things, so is it true?" Miley hesitated then slowly she nodded.

"Y-yeah, it's true." Suddenly(whoosh!)everyone seemed to be gathered around them, whispering to each other. Some looking uncaring, others looking unaccepting.

"Really now? You're gay? You like girls?"

"That's what I said," Miley said with a bit of both strength and fear injected in.

"Don't you know that's wrong?" Ashley asked. Miley could've sworn her heart skipped a beat. "Aren't you Catholic? Haven't you read the Bible? That's wrong, it's a sin." Miley gave Oliver another look. Nobody likes hearing that they're wrong, that what they are is wrong. Sure, she had a religion, she went to church but she never really cared to listen to that particular teaching. It was against what she was. It told her that she was basically a sin. She hated that but she didn't hate her religion. (A/N:** NOBODY GET OFFENED PLEASE! I'M CATHOLIC OK? PLEASE DON'T GET OFFENED**)

"Yes I've read the Bible, or parts of it, and yes, I'm Catholic but I don't think that what I am is wrong. Tell me what you want but I am not going to hear a word of it if you're telling me I'm wrong," Miley responded. Ashley actually looked concerned.

"Miley, if you just repent and giving up this...way of life," _She fucking thinks it's a choice..._ "you can save yourself. Repent and giving it up. It's wrong and it's not right." (which was the same thing said differently) Miley wasabout to sya something when someone elses voice rang out.

"Leave her alone Ashley," Lilly said. Ashley looked at Lilly in shock. Lilly had a mix of emotions showing on her face, fear, anger, denfensiveness(which isn't really an emotion), and a bunch of other stuff. "She goes to church, don't you think she's heard this stuff a million times before from pretty much everyone else?"

"But...Lilly don't you know it's wrong? You must know, that's why you're not friends with her anymore." Lilly's eyes hardened.

"It wasn't because she's _wrong_ as you like to say it."

"Then why?"

"That's not for you to know."

"I'm just trying to get her to see what she's doing is wrong," Ashley said.

"It's not like she can help it!" Lilly cried, "Study up on homosexuality, will you? It's not a fucking choice. People are _born_ that way ok? Threr's nothing they can do about it except maybe pretened that they're not gay but that would just be a lie. There is nothing they can do but be themselves, ok? They could repent but they couldn't give it up. It's like someone trying to give up their nationality. They could act, dress, and be like another race's stereotype but they'll still be Mexican, or Asian, or White, or Black or whatever. You can't tell people to stop being themselves. Just try and be tolerant," _hypocrite_ "and if you can't be then just let that person be, just let Miley be and try not to say anything bad." Lilly finished.

Everyone was looking at her. Amber and Ashley, instead of having a comeback, they walked away. Simply turned and walked away. As they left other people started leaving too. Miley and Lilly were looking at eachother. Both knew that Lilly was apologizing. There was no way she was going to say that and still not talk to Miley. Lilly took a deep breath and walked over.

"Miley, I'm...I'm really, really, really sorry," She said. "I was wrong to do that. It was a huge shock but...I realized that it wasn't really about...about that..."

"Me being a lesbian." Lilly nodded.

"It was...it was something else..."

"What?" Lilly paused. Time passed. "It's alright, you don't have to tell me," Miley said. Lilly gave her a small smile.

"Just know that I'm really sorry," Lilly said again. Miley nodded.

"I know Lilly. I forgive you," Miley said with a smile. Lilly grinned, not smiled, grinned. She pulled Miley into a hug. Miley was surprised but she still hugged back. Lilly pulled back with the grin still on her face.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry," Lilly said again.

"Lilly, I said it's ok." God, how Lilly''s heart was racing. That smile, those eyes, how forgiving she was being. Lilly cast any against thoughts out of her head and just enjoyed the fact that she had Miley again. It didn't matter that they were just friends, she had Miley! Sweeter words had not yet been spoken to her. She had Miley. She was so happy right now. All that remained was to _completly_ accept herself and to admit her feelings, and how long that would take she didn't know.

**A/N:** Aww...so sweet! I just realized that I've expirenced all of those feelings. The agnst, self-rejection, anger towards other people, confusion, feeling left out and different, like no one can accept me for me but you know what. I don't feel that anymore. I found people that know I happen to like girls and they don't care. To them, I'm still Jazmin, I just might have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Either way, I'm still me. All I needed was for someone to accept me and I thank God that I found that. Wow, I'm getting really deep on you guys...I'm gonna go now, hope you liked the chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana**

Torture

Lilly was overly ecstatic that she and Miley were friends once again. Now that they were, her feelings were showing more and more. Lilly was still a bit uneasy at times about her attraction to Miley but she was coming to accept it more and more each day. Now it was to the point where she could almost, _almost_ say it with pride. The voice she had hated so much was now telling her things she actually wanted to hear. That voice seemed to be the only part of her that noticed the small things that Miley did that made Lilly think that Miley just have the same feelings.

Of course she could never be sure until she heard it from Miley herself. She wouldn't believe it from anybody but Miley. Miley. It was funny how Lilly could be suddenly filled with a strange happy sensation just by saying that one name. Lilly couldn't help but love everything about Miley. Miley was smart, pretty, no beautiful, funny, strong, determined, at times she could be crazy, and she just had this way of making everyone feel happy.

How badly Lilly wanted to be with Miley; to hold her, love her, simply be with her. It hurt Lilly a bit to think that. She was easily getting over that though. So what if she too was a lesbian? So what if she was in love with her seemingly perfect best friend? Lilly was sure coming to terms with herself but right now a completely new voice was going against her. (A/N: Wow, is Lilly complex or what?)

Currently, Lilly was sitting on the living room floor, leaning against the couch, trying to do her math homework but she was getting distracted by arguing with herself.

_What's so wrong about liking Miley? She's perfect, why shouldn't I like her?_

_**That's the problem! She's a girl! And so are you! What the fuck is that? That's not good.**_

_Man, what the fuck is your problem?! So what if Miley's a girl? I love her and that's that._

_**But you shouldn't love her! She's your best friend.**_

_Who says best friends can't love each other?_

_**I say!**_

_Well, I'm not going to listen to you...bitch_

_**Just listen to me and give up on her dammit!**_

_Stop cussing so much, and no, I'm not going to give up on her!_

_**You're the one to talk, you're cussing too...and you're not even sure if she likes you back!**_

_Tch, whatever. And I'll find out if she likes me or not when I tell her about my feelings_

_**Hahaha, like that's ever going to happen! You're too shy**_

_Y'know what? STFU!_

_**And what if you tell her and she doesn't like you back? Huh? What then?**_

_Then she'll know but she won't do anything about it._

_**really now? Ha, you're so stupid at times...**_

"Ugh, can you just shut the heck up?!" Lilly said out loud...more like shouted. It just so happened that her mom was walking by the living room at the time. She turned and looked at Lilly.

"Lilly, honey, are you ok?" She asked. Lilly looked up surprised.

"Uh, why are you asking?"

"Because you just shouted out loud for someone to shut up and there's no one in here." Lilly scratched her head.

"Yeah, I guess that would cause some concern..."

"Yes it would, now is there something you want to talk about?" Lilly looked up at the ceiling.

"Actually, yeah, there is."

"Really? What?" Asked her mom. Lilly chuckled.

"Well you see Mom, about, uh, a month ago Miley came out to me and Oliver, telling us she was a lesbian. At first I...I sort of couldn't accept her. I know, I know, that was wrong but then about a week ago I apologized to her and stuff and we became friends again but there's a problem. I realized that I like Miley and now I'm really, really confused because I didn't even know I felt this way before and I always thought I was straight but I guess not. And it's a bit weird to tell Miley that I like her after I stopped being her friend for a month because she's a lesbian. Now everything's really complicated," Lilly finished with a sigh. "Mom?" She asked after a few moments of silence.

She looked over at her mom. A slow smile spread on Lilly's face then she erupted into laughter. The look on her mom's face was priceless! It had a 'what the fuck, are you serious?' look to it. Lilly was laughing so hard.

"You're joking, right?" Her mom asked in a sort of daze. Lilly shook her head still laughing. She was laughing so hard she was crying. "Lilly? Can you calm down and tell me that again?" Lilly contained her laughter.

"Sorry Mom but that was the funniest expression I've ever seen!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, that was some surprising...information you just gave me and it was pretty fast too, so can you tell me again but slower this time?" Lilly nodded.

"Ok, long story short, Miley's a lesbian, I stopped being her friend because of that, a week ago I apologized after realizing that I like her but I'm not sure how I'm going to tell her because things are just a bit awkward and I'm also afraid that she won't like me back."

"Wait, what? You like Miley? And Miley is a lesbian? Wha-?"

"Yes Mom, that's right," Lilly said with some slight exasperation. Why was it so easy to tell her mom this anyway? She'd had such a hard time accepting it herself, so why could she just throw it out there like it was no big deal?

"Umm, wow. That's something new..." Her mom said. She sat down on the floor next to Lilly. "Ok, so now you're not sure how to tell Miley about your feelings, is that right?" Lilly nodded. "Well, I guess if you already apologized for the whole thing before things should be cool between you two."

"Things are...yeah, we're cool. Nothing's really awkward or anything, it's just like before," Lilly said.

"Well, then you should just tell her," Her mom said. Lilly bit her lip

"But...what if she doesn't like me back?" Her mom put an arm around her shoulders.

"I don't think that'll happen Lilly," Lilly looked up at her mom hopefully, "but even if it does happen, I'm sure Miley will understand. Just don't let things get awkward because, trust me, that can be horrible." Lilly nodded.

"I'm just a bit nervous," She said.

"Well don't be. If you can tell me all this as easily as you did then you can tell Miley how you feel without all the nervousness," Her mom said. Lilly hugged her mom.

"Thanks Mom, that really helps and...thanks for understanding." Her mom kissed the top of her head.

"Lilly, I'm your mom, it's my job to at least try and understand you," She said.

"And you're great at it," Lilly said as she pulled back from the hug.

"Just do what I said and tell Miley how you feel. You'll never know what's going to happen until you try," Her mom said as she stood up. Lilly sighed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right..."

"You_ guess_ I'm right?"

"Ok, I _know_ you're right," Lilly said with a smile, "I'll work on getting around to telling Miley but for right now, I'm just happy we're friends." Her mom smiled and walked out of the living room.

_Ok, so now Mom knows and she's cool and I'm cool with it...mostly...and she's really __**is**__ right about the whole tell Miley thing...so..._

_So you should hurry up and tell her already!_

_but...but...I'm scared!_

_Awww...GET OVER IT! Look, I've told you already, Miley likes you!_

_and you know this how...?_

_**because...IT...is a stalker when you're asleep**_

_Stfu...nobody likes you. God, I'm going crazy...there's, like, three separate people in my body! Ah!! O.O_

_Lilly, focus! Now's not the time to be freaking out_

_**yes it is**_

_SHUT UP!_

_Ow...headache_

A/N: I bet you peeps are all getting confused right now:D I love me! Uh, back to the story

Lilly sighed frustratedly and closed her math book which had lay forgotten on her lap this whole time. Time to give up on that.

_**And time to give up on Miley...**_

"God, will you just shut the fuck up?!" Lilly growled under her breath. She checked the time. It was only 4:30?! What the heck? It seemed much later than that! Oh well, there was time to go surfing. Anything to get her mind off of her Miley problem. She put her homework and text book in her room then went to her mom's room. "Hey Mom?" Her mom was laying down on the bed watching TV.

"Yeah Lilly?"

"Can I go surfing?" She asked. Her mom nodded.

"Sure, just don't be out too late and be careful."

"I will, thanks Mom!" Lilly said as she left to get her stuff.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lilly sat floating on her board, waiting for a good wave to come. Today the waves had been incredible and it didn't take long for another good one to come along. She smiled as she headed towards it.

After a while Lilly got tired of surfing. She got out and got her stuff to change into some normal clothes. She leaned her board against some of the others-there was never any danger of some one stealing your things at this beach-and headed to the bathrooms. Lilly came out a few short moments later, dry and dressed in a red tank top with a longer white one underneath and a pair of faded low rise jeans. Instead of getting her surf board, she went towards Rico's.

"Hey Jackson," Lilly said as she realized he was working.

"Sup Lilly? Want anything?" He asked as he handed a customer a soda and got the money for it.

"Uh, just get me a Dr. Pepper," Lilly said. He nodded as he gave the other customer their change.

"1.25, Lils," He said. Lilly nodded and got out the money from her pocket. She handed him the money when she got her soda. She quietly drank her soda while Jackson serviced other customers. Soon there was an awkward silence between them as there were no more new customers. Lilly felt like she should say something but she didn't know what. Jackson looked uncomfortable too.

"So, um...are the waves good today?" He asked.

"Yeah, they're, uh, perfect for riding," Lilly said. She grimaced inwardly, she hated awkward moments. Jackson nodded.

"Cool...umm..." He said, trying to find something interesting to say. "Uhh...thank God, Miley..." He said as Miley walked up and sat down on a stool. She gave him a weird look.

"What?"

"Me and Jackson were trying to create small talk and we failed miserably," Lilly said with a slight smile. Jackson ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, me and small talk are enemies."

"Since when?" Miley scoffed.

"Since...now!" Jackson said, "Ok? Discussion over!" Lilly gave him a look.

"Uh huh...right...anyways!" She turned to Miley, "Any particular reason for coming to the beach?"

"Nah, I was just bored at home, decided the beach would be good. Well, I obviously found a friend here," Miley replied.

"Really? Who?" Lilly joked around.

"Well, you see that guy over there by the rock?" Miley said, pointing at any random person, "Yeah, he said he liked...my...sandals..." Miley said slowly. Lilly raised an eyebrow and laughed.

"Right, of course because that's how all friends are made!" Miley nodded earnestly.

"Yuppers!" Lilly rolled her eyes.

"Hey what time is it?" She asked, hoping it wasn't too late so she could stay here just a bit longer with Miley. Miley pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

"Uh, 6:45, why?"

"Hmm...ugh, I don't want to go home yet," Lilly grumbled.

"Then don't," Miley said.

"Yeah but my mom told me not to be out too late and stuff like that."

"Well...uh, call her and ask if you can stay over for a little bit...if you want to anyways," Miley suggested. Lilly's face lit up.

"Sure, just let me use your cell, I sort of left mine at home," Lilly added as Miley handed over her phone. She quickly dialed her phone number and waited for her mom to pick up.

"_Hello?_" Her mom answered.

"Mom, can I stay over at Miley's for a bit?" Lilly asked hopefully. She heard her mom chuckle on the other side.

"_For how long?_" Lilly mouthed the words to Miley. Miley shrugged.

"I don't know...why don't you just call when you want me to come back home?" Lilly suggested. Her mom sighed.

"_Well...it's Friday...so, I guess if it's ok with Miley's dad, you can spend the night if you want but only if Mr. Stewart says it's ok._"

"Awesome Mom! Thanks, bye," Lilly said then hung up.

"What'd she say?" Miley asked.

"She said if it's ok with your dad then I could spend the night!" Lilly explained, trying to keep the excitement from her voice. Miley nodded.

"I'm sure my dad'll say it's fine," Miley said as she got up, "C'mon, let's go." Jackson gave her a none too discreet wink when she looked at him. Miley gave him a look and he laughed. Lilly noticed this but decided not to comment. Miley turned to Lilly after a failed attempt to bash Jackson's head in. "Ok, now let's go!" Lilly shook her head and followed Miley as she led the way.

_See! I told you she liked you!_

_SO Jackson gave her a wink...?_

_He was teasing her because he knows she likes you and you're going to her house!_

_Hmm...ya really think so?_

_I KNOW so!_ Lilly giggled outloud at how that voice sounded. Miley gave her a weird look.

"Lils, are you ok?" Lilly giggled again and nodded.

"Yeah, I just...thought of something funny."

"Like what?" Lilly chuckled.

"Uh, nothing...I was sort of having a conversation with myself," Lilly said.

"Right..." Miley said, looking at Lilly like she was crazy, which she was. :P The girls headed up to Miley's room. "So what d'you wanna do?" Miley asked Lilly. Lilly shrugged. Miley rolled her eyes. "Geez Lilly, you're such a great help." Lilly smiled.

"Well, I try," Lilly said jokingly. Miley shook her head. "I dunno, do you want to go on myspace or something? See if anything is going on?" Miley nodded and went to turn on her computer. "You got an extra chair or something?" Lilly asked. Miley shook her head.

"We could share the chair," Miley suggested, "I'll try not to take up too much room," She said as she scooted over a bit on the chair to make room for Lilly. Lilly shrugged and sat down next to her. She smiled a bit at being so close to her. Miley noticed. "There you go again with your secret smiles! C'mon, tell me what's so funny."

Lilly blushed a bit. "It's nothing Miles," Miley gave her a suspicious look. Lilly giggled but quickly regained her composure. "Seriously Miley, it's nothing. Anyways, can I check mine first?" She asked.

"Sure whatever..." Miley replied, still looking at Lilly. Lilly gave Miley a questioning look.

"What?" The look on Miley's face was...different somehow. It wasn't an exasperated look or and amused look, it was something else that Lilly couldn't quite place. Miley froze, blushed, and looked away.

"Uh..it's nothing, I...nevermind..." Lilly tilted her head to the side in confusion then shrugged. Lilly bit her lip as the voice chimed in again.

_Shut up you, it was nothing..._ But she wasn't annoyed.

_Hehehe..."nothing" right. When someone says nothing in that tone it's always something!_

_heh, maybe, maybe...oh, see what you made me do? I typed the wrong password,_ Lilly chided as she put in the right password.

_Don't blame me for that! I'm sure your lack of concentration is coming from being so close to a certain someone..._ It teased. Lilly chuckled silently.

_I think you should shut up already._ Lilly thought as she checked her messages.

"Geez, when was the last time you were on?!" Miley asked incredulously. Lilly shrugged.

"I don't remember..." Miley was still giving her that disbelieving look. Lilly grinned sheepishly and went to answer some of them. Miley rolled her eyes. After a long while Lilly got bored, she signed out and gave the computer to Miley. "It's all yours, your majesty," Lilly said.

"Lilly, you're acting really really crazy today," Miley said as she scooted over on the chair while Lilly stood up. Lilly grinned and went to lay down on Miley's bed.

"I know but that's why you love me," Lilly said casually.

"What?" Miley said turning to look at her.

"As a friend..." Lilly said slowly, wondering why Miley looked so caught. Instead of replying Miley just turned around and faced the computer screen.

_Oh man...she does like me..._

_I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! Now all you have to do is tell her you like her too!_

_but how do I tell her?_

_bring up the whole thing that happened between you and her and tell the reason you did all that was because you were afraid of your own sexuality then lead it up to telling her you like her_

_I'm scared..._

_Don't be! You do this and you get Miley! It's that easy, come on...just start the convo and get on with it!_

_but...I don't know, I'm just really nervous!_

_Come on Lilly! You can do this...you know you can! Lilly! Lilly! Lilly!_

_Wow, now I've got a cheerleader..._

_You are a cheerleader..._

_seriously...lol..._

_who thinks Lol?_

_well it's not like I really can laugh out loud_

_you've done it already..._ Lilly jumped a bit as the bed sank down next to her. She looked and Miley was sitting there.

"Nothing happening?" Lilly asked.

"Nah, nothing at all," Miley answered, "So what do you wanna do now?" Lilly shrugged and looked up at the ceiling. "Lilly, can you ever be helpful?"

"Nope!" The girls laughed. Miley laid down next to Lilly and for a while both girls were in silence, just staring at the ceiling. Lilly was trying to get her nerve up to tell Miley and Miley was wondering what Lilly was thinking about. "Miley?" Lilly said.

"Yeah?" Miley said, turning her head to the side to look at Lilly. Lilly stayed looking up at the ceiling. Her stomach was fluttering and she was nervous as hell. "What is it Lilly?" Lilly swallowed and took a deep breath.

"You remember when I apologized and I said the reason wasn't really about you being a lesbian?"

"Yeah..." Miley said slowly. Where was Lilly going with this?

"Well, um...the real reason was...because...umm..." Lilly took another breath.

"Come on Lilly, just tell me." Miley was now propped up on her elbows looking at Lilly. Lilly was avoiding looking at her, that would just make things harder. Lilly sat up and looked at the floor with her hair covering her face. She was silent for a few more moments.

"The real reason was because I...I was afraid..."

"Afraid? Of what? Me?" Lilly shook her head.

"No, I was afraid of myself..." Miley looked confused.

"Lilly, what are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is...Miley...I think...I think I'm either a lesbian too or I'm bi," Lilly finished, still looking at the floor. There she said it. Now how would Miley react? Would she be angry or would she understand?" There was a few more moments of silence.

"What?" Miley asked in confusion. Lilly? Bi or lesbian? What?

"I'm pretty sure I'm...bi..." Lilly said.

"And how did you come to that conclusion?" Miley asked. Lilly looked up and stared straight ahead. There was a small smile on her face. Miley was really confused.

"Because I have a crush on this girl," Lilly said with a slight chuckle, "She's really great, caring, smart, funny, sometimes really crazy, almost perfect but with little flaws that I love. She has brown hair and these really really amazing blue eyes and wow, she's almost perfect," Lilly finally looked at Miley, "and she's sitting right next to me."

Miley looked happily shocked. A slow smile appeared on her face as she realized what Lilly had just said. "You...me...I...?" She started laughing. So did Lilly.

"Yes Miley, I like you...a lot," Lilly said with a grin on her face.

"That's good because...well, I like you too," Miley said, her smile turning into a shy one.

_BOOYAH!!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!_ Lilly laughed.

_Yep you did tell me, now be quiet_

The two girls just sat there grinning at each other. Lilly moved closer to Miley. Miley leaned in a bit, as did Lilly. Their lips brushed. Lilly leaned more into the kiss, deepening it. It was such a perfect kiss. Soft, sweet, something that both girls had been waiting for. It just felt so right. Lilly had her hand on Miley's cheek and Miley had her hand over Lilly's. They pulled back from the kiss and stared deep into each other's eyes. Lilly's hand caressed Miley's cheek.

"Was that...ok?" Lilly asked uncertainly. Miley smiled serenely.

"That was perfect," She answered as she leaned in for another kiss.

**A/N: **There you go! The end, done, finished! Hope you like it!


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